Another Semester...

o.O

Well I'll admit that I forgot about you all...(Sorry duckies!) But I'm back now (for however long) and shall attempt to at least pretend to post more regularly. (Not that I'm deluded enough to believe that anyone is still out there actually reading this...)

So I have an exam on Tuesday and I'm here at work and the only thing that I can think of is anintense need for caffeine (my life's blood) to try to keep me awake to make it through the rest of my day (I still have to get to my classes before I can go home tonight) where I have to do homework for my classes whilst finding time to both study for the exams I have over the weekend, the exam next week and the paper I have due sometime either next week or the Monday after. (I really can't remember - this is what you get when you get a tired writer with no caffeine to keep her sane)

So here's a pretty picture that I found on deviantart that I decided to keep looking at. I can't remember the artists' name but the artist (who isn't me) has a name...And it's a pretty good one. (I think) all things considered. I could take this moment to mention a name that would be horrible to have, but I'm sure I'd only end up insulting someone and I'd rather avoid it. So instead I shall quote the great C.S. Lewis and say at least the artist isn't named Eustace Clarence Scrubb (and he almost deserved it).

A Look Ahead...

Hello my faithful duckies it is I, your ever mercurial authoress/divine arbiter or all that is. Sup.

I realize that I have been terribly lax in my posting of late but I have been so incredibly busy with school and now work that I've been too exhausted to post anything really. Though, in reference to the job, pray that I get this other job. I've been in contact with someone who seems willing to hire me and save me from my current job. And I would really like to get this job.

But, as it is late, I shall only say that I am indeed alive and well. (Although my wellness is rather debatable at the moment.) I have been terribly busy and terribly tired and sick off an on for the last 4ish months. So look at me kindly when you quibble about my lax in posting. *coughJasoncough* (:)

- CB

Throwing Down the Gauntlet

It's come to my attention through gregarious trial and error, and much bemoaning the death of my taste buds, that there isn't a whole lot of choice out there for gluten free eaters. A friend of mine who, needs to go gluten free and hasn't yet, cites the difficulty of finding food to eat and the feeling of giving up on life, at least the life of her taste buds, as her reason(s) for not doing it. Well Audre, this is for you. And everyone like you who feels that they need help getting going and are overwhelmed with the lifestyle that being celiac or gluten free brings. I'm with you. All of you.

While I've been celiac, at least known I was celiac, for going on 3 years now I haven't been strict about adhering to the lifestyle. Being part of a family, my sister and I are the only ones who are celiac, makes living gf hard. Especially when my mom decides to order pizza for her and my brother, the only ones who can eat it and live. Then my will crumbles and it takes my sister "knocking some sense into me" for me to realize I choose life over pizza. Not an easy choice mind you, when I have the absolute best recipe for pizza...And it's been proven. (Unfortunately it isn't gluten free so oy!)

So this is me. Deciding that I want to have a gluten free bakery, at least one day, but for present I shall have to content myself with "proving" my dear friend wrong. My dear, I shall find a suitably drool worthy gluten free pita recipe. And what's more!: I shall make it! MWAHA!

Today marks day 1 and the beginning of my self imposed trial. I shall find gluten free alternatives to things like ciabatta, and pita (of course!;) and bread...REAL bread that doesn't taste like cardboard and doesn't crumble into dust when you try to eat it. Bread that makes you remember what a sandwhich used to taste like...And fulfills those same requirements. Being gluten free shouldn't mean the end of sandwhiches...It should mean the beginning of an adventure to try new things and learn about an entire new way of living. And the health benefits!!

With this in mind, I shall endeavor to accurately inform about the joys, sorrows and the inevitable successes and failures I shall face. This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship my duckies. Betwixt us...and gluten free bakery items!! HA!

This Just Proves It...

So, today I randomly decided to update my humble blog. I've spent almost all of my day between scheduling classes for the Fall and searching out gluten free blueberry muffin recipes...(At Next I completely defiled my celiac's and gorged on pizza, bagels and blueberry muffins...It is not an experience I would like to repeat. I was literally hung over for days afterwords. I don't really remember much of Sunday or Monday...And that's sad...but the stories shall be forth coming at a later time so that you all may laugh at me and my gluten induced awkwardness. Seriously, I think I made a lot of people really mad! And what makes it even worse it that I don't remember doing it!) But I digress.

And I came across comments that have been made by various people, the Stranger and my ex-blond roommate of something resembling elvish decent, and I realized that I've never actually mentioned how much I appreciate the comments that get left for me. They really do brighten up my day and make me happy...(If only momentarily:) So, I thought I'd take this moment to say thanks! Its greatly appreciated and I'd say more, but scrambled eggs are calling and my stomach is grumbling and I can only think of food at the moment.

But thanks for reading and posting! Some of the comments still affect me even after all this time when I go back and read them.!

Commencement

Sooo...A friend of mine (see dord defined) had commencement today...*sigh* He's gone and graduated from college as of today. What a day to graduate, Mother's Day of all days, I mean really! *shakes head*

So this is my congratulatory announcement to him. Great job! You've survived college and now have a B.A....Now, what was it you said? Something about going for a Phd?

There's good news and bad news for you hun...The good news? You're a third of the way done! Congratulations! Now all you have to do is survive another 3 or 4 years! Yay!

All joking aside, congratulations m'sieur! Can't wait to hear the stories..! and to see the pictures!

A Change of Pace

Hello all ye weary travelers! And merry welcomes to ye too! I have at last returned, and while I haven't really been forgetful of this merry band of thoughts and travails I have been unable to actually post anything...Sad really, but utterly true. (And for today's morbid trivia: Louisa May Alcott died exactly 100 years and about 5 months before I was born...Such a pity:)

I'm of half a mind to blather on about politics...My latest love...And speak of my views...It is so interesting what one learns when one tries to learn, isn't it?

I have a question in general...I'm interested in learning whether or not Jesus is/was against political involvement. Personally, I'm disinclined to believe so. Everything that Jesus did was froth with political implications. While he was never directly involved in the wonderful world of politics her certainly was involved with people who were involved in politics. But time alone will be able to tell me what I long to know. To get involved, or not to get involved. 'Tis the question of the hour...And one I long to answer. But alas! This was not meant to be dreary and to burden thee with such ponderings....Go now and be at peace, life goes on and so shall we all.

That's Right...MORE Poetry!! (cue maniacal laughter)

Today(or tonight depending) for your viewing pleasure we have the works of my two of my favorite poets. Namely E.E. Cummings and Arthur O'Shaughnessy....So firstly for ol'Arty!

Ode

We are the music-makers,
And we are the dreamers of dreams,
Wandering by lone sea-breakers,
And sitting by desolate streams;
World-losers and world-forsakers,
On whom the pale moon gleams:
Yet we are the movers and shakers
Of the world for ever, it seems.

With wonderful deathless ditties
We build up the world's great cities,
And out of a fabulous story
We fashion an empire's glory:
One man with a dream, at pleasure,
Shall go forth and conquer a crown;
And three with a new song's measure
Can trample the empire down.

We, in the ages lying
In the buried past of the earth,
Built Nineveh with our sighing,
And Babel itself with our mirth;
And o'erthrew them with prophesying
To the old of the new world's worth;
For each age is a dream that is dying,
Or one that is coming to birth.


And E.E. Cummings:

I Carry Your Heart With Me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)


And now I shall leave you. I just thought I would post these. So enjoy!


- Rae

A Moment of Poetical Poetry...Otherwise Called: 'The Mood Struck Me'

So Sunday I was feeling a little poetic and wrote some, you guessed it!, POETRY!!! (And you were wondering what I was doing...! You naughty cabbage you!) And so my duckies I decided that I would post it for your viewing pleasure and let you be the judge!

On a side note, all comments are going to be moderated by me from now on. Why? Well, unfortunately someone decided that it would be hysterical to spam by blog with their stupid spammy-ness instead of commenting. Which is what a normal person would do, the commenting not the spamming.

At Hand
Bound from
and by
our sin
slavery holding
us still
killed by
choices we'd
made.
Death alone
holds us now
where has
the bright
hope
of dawn
fled to
whilst
we've been
dying?
killed?
For nothing
from nothing
is gained.
And night
has engulfed
us till now.
Arise O Sleeper
arise!
And look
to the east
with the dawn.
For night now
from dawn's waking
must flee
and behold
our king
sets us free.
Arise O Sleeper
arise!
Hope now
at last
is at hand.
And
death now
to death
has been
put.
And life
we've
been given
anew.
So sing with the dawn
you who slept
For sin no longer can hold
and now power
below
or
above
can take us now
from His side.
Arise O Sleeper
arise!
Arise O my soul
and give thanks
for now
at last I am free!
For Jesus
Himself
set me
free.
And love has now
bought my life
how much more
now my heart?
Arise O my soul
and give thanks!
Forever
together
we'll be
never
now to depart.
His kingdom
forever shall stand.
His kingdom forever
shall stand.
And peace's King shall
forever now rule.
Together
forever
I'll stay
forever and always
His now.

For Lack of a Better Title

So there's nothing really to 'report' on as it were...I'm part-way into the semester, again, and like some of my classes and can't stand others...Who really keeps up with the readings?? I mean, it's boring as all get out, and when you feel like the backside of a horse class readings are the last thing on your list...Or at least their the last things on my list. Whichever works for you.

Tonight I'm going to make Tiramisu, the gluten free version, and I am going to devour it like there's no tomorrow...Or at least like if I don't then my siblings and my roommate, the cookie monster (no joke), will eat it all first. Which is an entirely likely scenario let me tell you!!

Have I mentioned that I love Tiramisu?? No, well then let me take this moment to inform you of the wonders of this particular Italian cake. It's soft, moist, and creamy. It melts in your mouth and then leaves you with the delightful flavor of espresso afterwords. It's cheesy and, in my opinion this is the best part, it isn't incredibly sweet. The sweetness of the cake doesn't overwhelm you. It's a muted flavor that's kind of like oh, this is a custard-ish dish covered in cocoa and oh yeah, it's sweet too. Not that cloyingly annoying crap that is so sweet you can feel you teeth rotting. Yuck!! Ik! No, *shakes head* not like that. The Italians like to be subtle in their flavors, unless it's tomato (lol), and so the sugar content of this is a companion to the many flavors of the dish, not the main attraction. It is a light desert that is a wonderful way to finish (any) meal...At least in my opinion, which is why I'm going to make it! Mwahahahaha!!!!!!


Oh yeah, I went there...Look at me now!
- Rae

And You Thought It Couldn't Get Any Wyrder...(Boy Were You Wrong)

So today I randomly decided to check my blog and low and behold people had left comments...Now this isn't normally odd, but this time it was people I don't know. So I'd like to take a moment and say, YAY UK!! Woot!! YAY!! Apparently my blog's made it to the UK, and that totally rocks! So all you UKers out there, leave me a comment! I find it interesting to know what people think, so start a conversation already! (Really, I'm that bored!!)

On another note, Monday I went to the phlebotomist to get my blood drawn to test for diabetes and other stuffs that I'm not aware of, and after getting stabbed three separate times in both arms, and having a burst vein, I was sent home. Literally, I was unable to bleed, there wasn't any blood when she pulled the needle out! And my brother was convinced that it's because I'm a vampire and therefore am unable to bleed.

So, she was like, umm..you're really dehydrated soooo...Drink a lot of water and then come back. So the next day I went back, after drinking an obscene amount of water (really, if 70% of the human body is water and then I was drinking enough water to make it like all 100%) and Tuesday I went in and was actually able to give blood! The lady got the blood that she needed to perform the stupid tests!


And now I'm left to wait....and wait....and wait....and wait...And I'm still waiting, and it's the waiting that's killing me. I want to know what my results are!! UGH!


And now I'm off to help plan the June Show....Until next time!

Wow...

Since I've been diagnosed with Celiac's I've pretty much taken it to mean that my life, as I knew it, was over. And I promptly began the mourning process. Yeah, dark day at my house. It wasn't pretty.

But I have to say, once I started to do research on gluten-free recipes I started to see a silver lining. Ok, yes I have to make pretty much everything I eat from scratch. and yes I can't eat out anymore (I'm also really sensitive to chemicals. seriously, it's obscene I went to a friends wedding over the weekend (I'm so happy for you hun! and I can't believe she's married!) and I made the mistake of imbibing some of the punch...and I spent that night and the next day on my back (I kept feeling like I was going to pass out, was incredibly dizzy and my sight was fuzzy around the edges) so needless to say I'm not doing that again....Like ever!) but there's a silver lining here....Know what?! Know what?! I'm making and eating foods that I never would've otherwise....

Example? Applesauce. Now, many of you are probably already shaking your heads in exasperated wonder and thinking to yourself Self, is she serious? I've been making that for ages...And so have like a bazillion other people. Who's she kidding?? But let me tell you, I've never have I ever made applesauce. Never. And I don't know anyone in my family who's ever had the delight of ever making it either. So ha! I'm breaking ground!! Mwahahahaha!!! And when I'm done with that?? Know what??!! I'm going to ballet and then I'm going to make chocolate cake with espresso chocolate ganache icing...It's going to be warm and gooey and melt in my mouth and I'm going to melt into a puddle of Rae and enjoy every minute of it...

But that's just desert...So maybe being Celiac is the end of the world as I knew it, but hun, it's been the start of an entirely new one. (Yesterday I made salsa from scratch, loved every minute of it...Seriously I had the entire house eating out of my hand...Almost literally!! It was fun!) But I'm learning as I go, and making things I never would've even thought to make otherwise. So yeah, the world hasn't ended (yet) but I'm not suffering...I'm enjoying (almost) every moment!

~Rae

Canoli

Hello my friends, so for New Years I thought I'd make something a little sweet for my family. Since I'm a relatively new Celiac I've been scouring the wired trying to come up with things that I can eat...Being a poor college student doesn't really help matters much, but I do what I can.

Having said that, I wanted to do something special. After all, it was going to be a quiet New Years with just me mum and I. I wanted something to commemorate the occasion. So I found a recipe for gluten-free canolo (which is the singular form of canoli). They are an Italian desert made from deep fried dough and then filled with sweet cheese and sweetened (I used honey) and chocolate.

They were a hit! It went better after I realized that the oil was at too high a temperature and was burning my canoli dough before it was cooked all the way through...Ah, the joys of learning and baking! But it was fun (I got my blond roommate of elfish decent to help out at the end) and then my housemates ate like 5 each! (which is quite an accomplishment since they're very sweet) Even my mom (who had 4 right after they were made) couldn't seem to put them down! The general consensus was that they were wonderful and the only way to show that wonderfulness was to gorge themselves until bursting and then to groan about it the rest of the night!!

Ha!

All in all it was a great time and I enjoyed watching their faces as they ate. It certainly made it worth it! Now to try my hand at gluten-free cinnamon rolls and then who knows?

For Those of Us Who've Been Adopted...

So right now I'm so angry I'm literally shaking. I've reached the point where I need some kind of cathartic release or I'm going to scream or cry...And I'd rather avoid either reaction, if at all possible.

Christmas this year has been different from years past. I've had to rely on the Lord more this year than I have any other year. Mostly because of the situation with my mom, but also because of my own deteriorating health and the knowledge/fact that there is nothing, let me repeat that nothing that I can do to change my situation. The only one who can change anything is the same one who created the universe (and subsequently my situation). Harrowing thoughts (or sobering - take your pick).

This year was going fine. Between my mom and I we made dinner (I'm proud to say that the only thing she did was the turkey - I made everything else:)(small victory maybe but it's helped to make her day easier so mission accomplished)) and my grandmother came over and we ate. Maybe we weren't 'merry' per-say (she's a bit of a pessimist my gran) but it was family time and that made it special.

Right up until my gran decided to get my mom to call Aunt (technically she's my biological mother but a person doesn't qualify as a parent for abandoning their child to their sister because they're too busy pretending that they're 15 to actually take care of their child.) I would like to take an opportunity to talk to all the other adopted kids (or whatever your circumstance) out there...I know, you wonder about your parents and what they're like...But let me tell you something: Stop. I can speak from experience here and say you're better off wherever you are than you would be with them. It may be a terrible thing to say but I really would love to not know either of my mother. The only thing she's ever done for me was to give birth...Well, she also left me to my mom, so I guess that counts too. But I'm telling you: they're more trouble than they're worth. And maybe that's the anger and disappointment talking but it's true and it's said. Having said that. No sooner does con get on the phone than she starts yelling and arguing with my mom. Now, con knows that mom might have cancer, her reaction? "You're invading my privacy calling to tell me that." Or my personal favorite: "She's just saying that to get sympathy. She really wants something from me, I just don't know what it is." Let's just sum up and say con's a piece of work shall we??...

Everyone still with me? Good. Now, anyone who knows anything about cancer and waiting for the test results to come in knows it's a harrowing experience. You worry and imagine the worst case scenario because you don't know what else to do. You look at the survival rates and get emotional and start picturing your life without whoever it is who's sick. Needless to say it's one of the worst situations to be in. (Second only to getting a positive diagnosis. And my heart goes out to anyone with cancer and their families. You people are amazing. I'm struggling with despair and hopelessness and helplessness and we haven't even gotten the results back yet. You people are an example to the rest of us on perseverance and selflessness.) I had to fight the desire to drive out to her house and brain her. Seriously, I wanted to knock some sense into her. And I'm the easy-going quiet member of the family.

You can be proud of me (I'm a non-confrontational person at the best of times) I took the phone from my mom and told Con to stop complaining about her cold (like that even comes close to having cancer) and to start treating her sister like she's an actual person. To look beyond what she sees in the mirror and to care about someone other than herself. I'm still convinced I need to call her back and give her a rather large chunk of my mind. (God help her, fool she is) A confrontation is brewing. I will NOT sit idly by and let her treat my mother like this any longer! I don't care if she carried me around in her uterus for 9 months and spent hours giving birth. She needs to get her head out of her behind and suck it up and deal! Blaming everything on someone else (namely my mom) is a sick joke. It wont change what's happened and it wont make her right. Trying to get rid of the standard doesn't make her right, the standard still exists even if she wont acknowledge it, it just makes her stupid.

Maybe that's harsh and maybe I'm not living our my Christianity at the moment, but I needed some way to get this off my chest and this seemed like the best idea. Sorry.

Day-to-Day

Happy Christmas!!! (Merry Christmas!!)

As I'm sure ya'll know, today is Christams Eve. As such my family went to our church's candlelight Christmas Eve service. (man that's a mouthful) I ran into Jason (his blog is linked to mine on the panel (which ever side it's on) so you can go and bug him for me;) and we started to banter...(his sister was slightly appalled...or at least she was unsure whether or not to shake her head and walk away...Personally I think she was suffering from 'train syndrome'...You know, when you wanna look away from a train wreck, but ya just can't...)It was one of those moments. Very amusing. Seriously. You just had to be there....Anyway.

So there's this sort of bet going to see who ends up with the most posts by the end of the year...I'm bound and determined to win this...And I've got the motivation. I need a distraction from what's going on in my house. (I really just want to hurt my brother...I'm convinced the halves of men's brains don't start talking to each other until they reach 40...way to go bro, way to go. *shakes head*) (See previous post)

So this is the first in a (hopefully) long line of posts! I'm terribly sorry for you! ;p Next up is the running count of how many times Jason has scarred me emotionally and/or physically for the rest of my life...A sort of recounting of my scars for all to "see" (and laugh) (preferably at Jason (*wink*)) (preferably following the teasing that'll take place on his blog) (preferably without mentioning my name) (preferably some time soon) (I'm out of preferably's...sad)

So, that's all for now...Next up is what I got for Christmas...And how I spent my time...*sigh* I can't wait to impart the joyousness of the O'Neil love that's in my heart...There's an 'O'Neil' shaped hole in my heart that only he can fill....(lol) XD

Stop reading this already! I mean, I'm flattered and what not, but seriously. You're a scrooge! Go! Be gone with you! Spend time with your family already!! (that's where i'm headed next) you shouldn't still be here...I can understand the initial curiosity to know whether or not I've posted anything new, but this is just ridiculous! You shouldn't be reading this off by yourself in your dark, cold corner. Spend time with your family! It's Christmas for the love of Bob! (sorry Bob) Go! Don't make me hurt you!! (not that I want to (I don't in case you were wondering) because I don't but you should be spending what little time you have on this earth with the people who mean the most to you. Stop being so silly! *sigh* *shakes head* Honestly, you're just terrible!

Merry Freaking Christmas...

Hey, all. Sorry it's been so long since I've updated but with things the way they are with my family it make it pretty difficult to get away to post.

So this Christmas is looking to be the worst in recorded history...At least for me and my family anyway. Why? Well that's easy, turns out my mom may have ovarian cancer. Right now the doctors aren't sure, but that's what our family doctor originally thought....So Christmas is in 8 days and this is the bomb that's been dropped on us.

It's interesting to watch the way people respond. As I'm sure you're all well aware different people respond to this kind of situation in different ways. And with the way my siblings are responding, it makes it all the harder. So far there's been denial and anger...Not sure what comes next, right now I'm just trying to roll with the punches, but I'm only going to be able to last so long (or so far). We need someone to be the calm one in this and I guess I got the job. Time will tell how everything goes. Currently I'm just praying it doesn't turn out to be cancer of any kind. But we rarely get what we want, that whole life isn't fair thing, and at this point I can't really say what God wants us to learn from all of this.

So yeah, Merry Christmas.

I Don't Suffer From Celiacs...I Enjoy Every Moment of It!!

Alright. So I admit to being totally in love with cooking...It's a guilty pleasure that will make some dude totally happy...Seriously, my brother has told me I'm not 'allowed' to get married until after he does so he can 'enjoy' my cooking until the last possible moment! Oy! ..Anyway...I digress.

So, and I'm sure I'm not alone here, I'm a celiac. I'm griping because I'm addicted to the Food Network and they don't have any chefs/cooks who make gluten free foods...Heck, they don't make any foods for any people who have any kind of dietary requirement they have to meet. My complaint is simple. HIRE SOMEONE WHO CAN COOK BY ALTERNATIVE MEANS!!! Seriously people, it's not that difficult to find someone who can cook let's say gluten free food without using garbage like white sugar or the like.

I mean, hello! Sucanat anyone?? Why is it that people like me, who absolutely love to cook and love to cook as close to nature as we can get, can't get any recipes from the Food Network (or our favorite chefs) that we can eat that wont kill us. Because, I have to be honest here, eating gluten for a celiac is like giving a pound of pure white sugar to a diabetic...It's murder that's what it is!

Why this sudden overwhelming need to verbalize this complaint you may be asking yourself...Well, that's easy to answer. I'm currently watching the Food Network and Ina Garten is making cheese puff pastries...And the only thing running through my mind is...Gee, that looks good. Too bad I can't even consider eating any!

And so it falls to me to create a recipe that's gluten free with an alternative sweetner that us celiacs can actually eat...And so I shall. Who says celiacs is a life sentence? I say thus: I don't suffer from celiac's...I enjoy every moment of it!!! Mwaha!

And so my troops, I give the rallying cry. I'm going to try my hand at gluten free cheese puff pastries...And you'll be the first to know how it turns out! Aha!

Happy Thanksgiving!! (Part 2)

So...That was the recipe...Now it's time for the update. So I recently was brave and dyed my hair...(For the first time mind you) And it turned out really, really cool...I'm not going to say how or what it looks like in case I actually run into you and you get to see it for yourself. But suffice it to say that I'm pleasantly happy with it...And love it...(as much as anyone can love their hair color...)

I'm off of work for the next two weeks whilst my left hand heals up. Originally, we thought it was a sprain, but with all the wyrd stuff that my hand's been doing...Now, I'm not so sure. I'm gonna have a friend look at it and then decide if I should re-visit the doctor (not the one I originally saw..that was a fiasco and I don't want to repeat the experience) and see about getting some x-rays. So, while I'm happy about not working...(Hey, you would be too!! I've got tons of homework and projects to spend the next couple of weeks on and now I have the time to actually DO them!!) I'm not happy about the circumstances that brought it about.

And, can I say on a side note, that it's really, really difficult to post and type one-handed??!! I never really realized how much I use my left hand until I stopped being allowed to use it!! It's aweful! And everyone breathes down my neck: "DON'T USE YOUR LEFT HAND OR I'LL TIE YOUR ARM BEHIND YOUR BACK...Or something....!" *Ominous music plays*

But seriously, all in good fun, that whole "You never know what you've got till it's gone" thing totally applies!! And, since this whole experience has amused me to the point of absurdity, I thought I'd "pass it along." So, in all seriousness... Happy Thanksgiving!!

Happy Thanksgiving!! (Part 1)

So this year, I decided to post a recipe. It's not exactly something that I regularly do...(And we don't normally make it for Thanksgiving - The reason for that being that we don't write down our recipes - but I thought it'd be nice to give you a recipe and then update about meonsie.)

So...The recipe!! It's a dessert: which means yay sugar! And it's totally gluten free!! So people like me can eat to our hearts content without worrying about dying later...(And I mean it literally)

Baked Pears
- serves 8

8 while pears
1/2 cup lemon juice
1 cup red wine (I don't personally use this)
1/2 cup honey or maple syrup (or sucanat - which is what I use)
1/2 cup sweet cream (optional)

Combine lemon juice, wine and honey or syrup in a small pan. Bring to a simmer. Peel pears and core from the bottom end. Set on sides in a buttered pyrex dish and pour the wine mixture over them. Bake at 350 degrees for about 1/2 hour, turning and basting frequently. Carefully remove pears to a bowl and chill well. Meanwhile, pour syrup into a small saucepan and boil down until it thicken. Let cool.

To serve, place pears on individual plates and spoon sauce over.

Believe Again

So here I am going through a rough patch. And I keep telling myself...I'll pray tomorrow. Or, God knows, so why isn't He doing anything. Or just little things like that where my faith and my hope are/have been slowly dwindling down. And I've just let myself get whittled down to a pretty vulnerable position spiritually and all I keep thinking about is...Man, how can I know if where I'm being led is God? I know He has things planned for me, and I keep telling myself that He wants good for me and that it isn't just a pat answer. But it just keeps running together in my mind.

I feel like I'm just kinda floating around waiting for something. And like I've got any clue what that something is. It's like the more pain I get into, or have, the more I pull away from God. And it's not like I don't know that that isn't the right response. But that's what I do to everyone...And anyone who knows me, well anyone who knows me well, will agree with that statement. I'm walking a path blindfolded and I keep asking myself "Why?"

So I've kind of come to this point where I realize, or am realizing, that sometimes faith and hope and all that "stuff" is more of a decision than an actual belief. I read an article (and I'll post the part that matters) and heard a song (I'll post the lyrics) and it just kinda made me cry. I was like...Umm..Ok God, I get the hint. I can take a message. It was a moment like that. When things just started to crystalize for me and I realized I've been going about this the entirely wrong way. It's kinda like in Facing the Giants when the coach tells his team that God will be praised. And they need to keep that in mind and be willing to praise Him whether or not they get what they want. That they need to praise God when they win and when they lose.

So here's the quote: "...Letting go and trusting that good can come out of that. About trusting that God is going to work out the details we can't control." - Lacy/Flyleaf

And the song is:

Again by Flyleaf

It's okay

To breathe as deep as you play

Your future with me is safe

You sing with my heart when you pray

Here you are down at my feet again

Handing it all back to me again

Right where I want you to be again

I love you

Please see and believe again

I love that you're never satisfied

With face value wisdom and happy lies

You take what they say and go back and cry

You're so close to me that you nearly died

Here you are down at my feet again

Handing it all back to me again

Right where I want you to be again

I love you

Please see and believe again

They don't have to understand you

Be still

Wait and know I understand you

Be still

Be still

Here you are down at my feet again

Handing it all back to me again

Right where I want you to be again

I love you!

I love you!

I love you!

Here you are down at my feet

Handing it all back to me

Right where I want you to be again

I love you

Please see and believe again

So it's little wonder why I'm posting again...Seems like whenever something worth saying comes up I normally just keep it locked away where no one else can see. Safe and deep, like cards kept close to my chest. But this time I thought that I might as well say it. It's just like I finally felt able to admit that I'm having trouble and that this is an ongoing issue...And, yeah, I'm still struggling with this. But you know what? Sometimes it's the important stuff that we wrestle with again and again and again...Until we get an answer. So this is me. Waiting on God to come through for me like He said He would. And this is me being human, and saying...Sure, I'm not perfect. And people will see this and (I hope) misconceptions about me will be killed. Swiftly. And people will stop looking at me like I'm some kind of human-looking-machine and see the person behind it all. Cause it's that person who tries to glorify God and walk according to His standards and His ways. And it's all easier said than done. I'm not saying it's not, but in the end. I'd rather be struggling to get to where He wants me to go than end up where I want me to be. Every day I'm being changed from what I was before into what He sees me as. I am not the same person I was yesterday. I am not the same person I'll be tomorrow. I'm not who I was 8 years ago. And one day I'll be able to look back on this time and be like..."yeah, that's the lesson He was trying to teach me. And sure, it took me a while, but in the end I learned the lesson and now I can walk upright knowing that I won't fall. Because even when I stumble, He's there to help me get back up."

So for those of you wondering where I've gone and what I've been up to...Yeah, that was probably more than you wanted to know, but it's true so deal...;p

A Day In The Life...

So the newest thing going on in my life happens to be pretty old. I'm taking a sewing class at Virginia Marti and the longer I stay on campus and the more I sew the harder it becomes for me to leave. Desperately do I want this. And there are things happening that leads me to believe (or hope) that God is leading me toward this destination. And now circumstances (or God) are making it seem possible for me to go and all i can do is act like a crazed fungirl on a pixie-stick induced sugar rush!So now ac come to my dilemma When does asking (or begging. take your pick) become presumption? When does a request become a demand? Where does the line exist? How do you know? H seems like 'inbeing led in this direction, but how dot know? Like beyond a shadow of doubt, 'this is God kind of know?! I want to be careful to not sign His name to something that's not His. I don't want to be one of those people who wants something then claims that' God' is the one behind it.How far is too far?

But that aside... I love my class and the professor is amazing! And the longer I spend there the morel wanna Stay! Oy!


Rae