I'm not sure what life is all about. Not really. But I do know what it isn't. And perhaps that can help. I admit, I'm completely lost at the moment. I've been reading Psalm 42
"As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God?
My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me continually, "Where is your God?" These things I remeber, as I pour out my soul: how I would go with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God with glad shouts and songs of praise, a multitude keeping festival.
Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you tin turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.
My soul is cast down within me; therefore I remeber you from the land of Jordan and Hermon, from Mount Mizar. Deep calls to Deep at the roar of your waterfalls; all your breakers and your waves have gone over me. By day the Lord commandshis steadfast love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life.
I say to God my rock: "Why have you forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?"
As with a deadly wound in my bones, my adversaries taunt me, while they say to me continually, "where is your God?" Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.And that pretty much states where I am right now...
2 comments:
You are NOT lost. You are a "Daughter of the King" cared for and loved by your Father. He is even now shaping you and conforming you to His image, the image of the everlasting and infinite God. He has already invested in you grace and you have joined with Him in a holy partnership which has produced the godly woman which we all know and respect.
The darkness and thirst shall not be with you always, it will in fact only drive you closer and faster to our Lord. Just be reminded of all the wonderful things He has done for you so far in your life. Bringing you to TS from CS, bringing you into His family, transforming you, comforting you, and even more things that I cannot even begin to imagine nor describe.
This is the truth, you are loved by God and the more you love Him and draw near unto Him the more you will be taken away from the despair and fear which has so long plagued you. The answer has never been a seeming stability, nor control, nor an avoidance of confrontation. It has been there, in that book, and in those prayers, and in your humble confession. He is waiting for you even now, He has brought you here to bring you to Himself in a deeper way. I am sure of the oasis which awaits you as soon as you avail yourself of it.
Dt
Ps.
The word verification was unmedumb (undumb me? unme dumb? Wah?)... Just thought you'd get a kick out of that.
You shall indeed praise him again, dear heart! When you're caught in a tailspin with nothing you're able to do, you do what you always do: Trust in God. Yeah, that's vague, and trying to picture how this rubber hits your road, or any road for that matter, is hard. But we are utterly dependent on God, and it's times like these when we realize exactly what that means. I'll be praying for you, darling...let me know if there's anything specific (beyond what we talked about) that I can pray for!
By the way, according to the Westminster Short Catechism, the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy him forever. It's something to think about.
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