For Those of Us Who've Been Adopted...

So right now I'm so angry I'm literally shaking. I've reached the point where I need some kind of cathartic release or I'm going to scream or cry...And I'd rather avoid either reaction, if at all possible.

Christmas this year has been different from years past. I've had to rely on the Lord more this year than I have any other year. Mostly because of the situation with my mom, but also because of my own deteriorating health and the knowledge/fact that there is nothing, let me repeat that nothing that I can do to change my situation. The only one who can change anything is the same one who created the universe (and subsequently my situation). Harrowing thoughts (or sobering - take your pick).

This year was going fine. Between my mom and I we made dinner (I'm proud to say that the only thing she did was the turkey - I made everything else:)(small victory maybe but it's helped to make her day easier so mission accomplished)) and my grandmother came over and we ate. Maybe we weren't 'merry' per-say (she's a bit of a pessimist my gran) but it was family time and that made it special.

Right up until my gran decided to get my mom to call Aunt (technically she's my biological mother but a person doesn't qualify as a parent for abandoning their child to their sister because they're too busy pretending that they're 15 to actually take care of their child.) I would like to take an opportunity to talk to all the other adopted kids (or whatever your circumstance) out there...I know, you wonder about your parents and what they're like...But let me tell you something: Stop. I can speak from experience here and say you're better off wherever you are than you would be with them. It may be a terrible thing to say but I really would love to not know either of my mother. The only thing she's ever done for me was to give birth...Well, she also left me to my mom, so I guess that counts too. But I'm telling you: they're more trouble than they're worth. And maybe that's the anger and disappointment talking but it's true and it's said. Having said that. No sooner does con get on the phone than she starts yelling and arguing with my mom. Now, con knows that mom might have cancer, her reaction? "You're invading my privacy calling to tell me that." Or my personal favorite: "She's just saying that to get sympathy. She really wants something from me, I just don't know what it is." Let's just sum up and say con's a piece of work shall we??...

Everyone still with me? Good. Now, anyone who knows anything about cancer and waiting for the test results to come in knows it's a harrowing experience. You worry and imagine the worst case scenario because you don't know what else to do. You look at the survival rates and get emotional and start picturing your life without whoever it is who's sick. Needless to say it's one of the worst situations to be in. (Second only to getting a positive diagnosis. And my heart goes out to anyone with cancer and their families. You people are amazing. I'm struggling with despair and hopelessness and helplessness and we haven't even gotten the results back yet. You people are an example to the rest of us on perseverance and selflessness.) I had to fight the desire to drive out to her house and brain her. Seriously, I wanted to knock some sense into her. And I'm the easy-going quiet member of the family.

You can be proud of me (I'm a non-confrontational person at the best of times) I took the phone from my mom and told Con to stop complaining about her cold (like that even comes close to having cancer) and to start treating her sister like she's an actual person. To look beyond what she sees in the mirror and to care about someone other than herself. I'm still convinced I need to call her back and give her a rather large chunk of my mind. (God help her, fool she is) A confrontation is brewing. I will NOT sit idly by and let her treat my mother like this any longer! I don't care if she carried me around in her uterus for 9 months and spent hours giving birth. She needs to get her head out of her behind and suck it up and deal! Blaming everything on someone else (namely my mom) is a sick joke. It wont change what's happened and it wont make her right. Trying to get rid of the standard doesn't make her right, the standard still exists even if she wont acknowledge it, it just makes her stupid.

Maybe that's harsh and maybe I'm not living our my Christianity at the moment, but I needed some way to get this off my chest and this seemed like the best idea. Sorry.

Day-to-Day

Happy Christmas!!! (Merry Christmas!!)

As I'm sure ya'll know, today is Christams Eve. As such my family went to our church's candlelight Christmas Eve service. (man that's a mouthful) I ran into Jason (his blog is linked to mine on the panel (which ever side it's on) so you can go and bug him for me;) and we started to banter...(his sister was slightly appalled...or at least she was unsure whether or not to shake her head and walk away...Personally I think she was suffering from 'train syndrome'...You know, when you wanna look away from a train wreck, but ya just can't...)It was one of those moments. Very amusing. Seriously. You just had to be there....Anyway.

So there's this sort of bet going to see who ends up with the most posts by the end of the year...I'm bound and determined to win this...And I've got the motivation. I need a distraction from what's going on in my house. (I really just want to hurt my brother...I'm convinced the halves of men's brains don't start talking to each other until they reach 40...way to go bro, way to go. *shakes head*) (See previous post)

So this is the first in a (hopefully) long line of posts! I'm terribly sorry for you! ;p Next up is the running count of how many times Jason has scarred me emotionally and/or physically for the rest of my life...A sort of recounting of my scars for all to "see" (and laugh) (preferably at Jason (*wink*)) (preferably following the teasing that'll take place on his blog) (preferably without mentioning my name) (preferably some time soon) (I'm out of preferably's...sad)

So, that's all for now...Next up is what I got for Christmas...And how I spent my time...*sigh* I can't wait to impart the joyousness of the O'Neil love that's in my heart...There's an 'O'Neil' shaped hole in my heart that only he can fill....(lol) XD

Stop reading this already! I mean, I'm flattered and what not, but seriously. You're a scrooge! Go! Be gone with you! Spend time with your family already!! (that's where i'm headed next) you shouldn't still be here...I can understand the initial curiosity to know whether or not I've posted anything new, but this is just ridiculous! You shouldn't be reading this off by yourself in your dark, cold corner. Spend time with your family! It's Christmas for the love of Bob! (sorry Bob) Go! Don't make me hurt you!! (not that I want to (I don't in case you were wondering) because I don't but you should be spending what little time you have on this earth with the people who mean the most to you. Stop being so silly! *sigh* *shakes head* Honestly, you're just terrible!

Merry Freaking Christmas...

Hey, all. Sorry it's been so long since I've updated but with things the way they are with my family it make it pretty difficult to get away to post.

So this Christmas is looking to be the worst in recorded history...At least for me and my family anyway. Why? Well that's easy, turns out my mom may have ovarian cancer. Right now the doctors aren't sure, but that's what our family doctor originally thought....So Christmas is in 8 days and this is the bomb that's been dropped on us.

It's interesting to watch the way people respond. As I'm sure you're all well aware different people respond to this kind of situation in different ways. And with the way my siblings are responding, it makes it all the harder. So far there's been denial and anger...Not sure what comes next, right now I'm just trying to roll with the punches, but I'm only going to be able to last so long (or so far). We need someone to be the calm one in this and I guess I got the job. Time will tell how everything goes. Currently I'm just praying it doesn't turn out to be cancer of any kind. But we rarely get what we want, that whole life isn't fair thing, and at this point I can't really say what God wants us to learn from all of this.

So yeah, Merry Christmas.

I Don't Suffer From Celiacs...I Enjoy Every Moment of It!!

Alright. So I admit to being totally in love with cooking...It's a guilty pleasure that will make some dude totally happy...Seriously, my brother has told me I'm not 'allowed' to get married until after he does so he can 'enjoy' my cooking until the last possible moment! Oy! ..Anyway...I digress.

So, and I'm sure I'm not alone here, I'm a celiac. I'm griping because I'm addicted to the Food Network and they don't have any chefs/cooks who make gluten free foods...Heck, they don't make any foods for any people who have any kind of dietary requirement they have to meet. My complaint is simple. HIRE SOMEONE WHO CAN COOK BY ALTERNATIVE MEANS!!! Seriously people, it's not that difficult to find someone who can cook let's say gluten free food without using garbage like white sugar or the like.

I mean, hello! Sucanat anyone?? Why is it that people like me, who absolutely love to cook and love to cook as close to nature as we can get, can't get any recipes from the Food Network (or our favorite chefs) that we can eat that wont kill us. Because, I have to be honest here, eating gluten for a celiac is like giving a pound of pure white sugar to a diabetic...It's murder that's what it is!

Why this sudden overwhelming need to verbalize this complaint you may be asking yourself...Well, that's easy to answer. I'm currently watching the Food Network and Ina Garten is making cheese puff pastries...And the only thing running through my mind is...Gee, that looks good. Too bad I can't even consider eating any!

And so it falls to me to create a recipe that's gluten free with an alternative sweetner that us celiacs can actually eat...And so I shall. Who says celiacs is a life sentence? I say thus: I don't suffer from celiac's...I enjoy every moment of it!!! Mwaha!

And so my troops, I give the rallying cry. I'm going to try my hand at gluten free cheese puff pastries...And you'll be the first to know how it turns out! Aha!